


Simple Jim

by smarshtastic



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-02
Updated: 2011-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 18:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smarshtastic/pseuds/smarshtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is simple dog. Bones is helper dog. Hilarity ensues.</p><p>Inspired by Hyperbole and a Half.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Simple Jim

“Bones. Boooooones? Boooooones!” Jim crooned, swaying dangerously. Bones caught him for what felt like the millionth time. Their room had never felt further away. Jim clung to Bones’s side, trying to press a sloppy kiss to his mouth, but missing, only managing to get the corner of Bones’s mouth.

“Jim,” Bones said wearily, righting Jim firmly on his feet. Jim chuckled and stumbled a few feet forward on his own.

“Booooones,” he crooned again. “Boooones!”

“Whaaat?” Bones echoed, to Jim’s delight. Jim laughed and tripped over his heavy boots.

“You’re makin’ sounds too!” Jim said gleefully. “We’re makin’ sounds!”

Bones wondered, not for the first time, if his captain was deeply stupid.

Fortunately for the both of them, their room was just around the corner. Bones dragged Jim bodily the last couple of yards to their door, ignoring all the strange sounds Jim was making. If anything out of the ordinary came out of Jim’s mouth, Bones’s doctor senses would pick up on it in a hurry. Jim leaned up against the wall near his door, making little noises to himself and staring at nothing in particular. Bones sighed and keyed in the code to their room. He tugged Jim inside.

“Booones! The door – the door – ohhh,” Jim watched with rapt attention as the door slid shut behind them. He dissolved into giggles. Bones heaved a long-suffering sigh.

“C’mon, Jim. Let me look at you,” he said, sitting down on the edge of their bed. Jim stumbled over, tugging his shirt over his head but getting hopelessly tangled. He peeked up over the hem of his shirt, looking distressed.

“Bones!” Jim exclaimed. Bones bit back a laugh and got up again to help him right his clothes. Despite all his complaining, Bones really did love this ridiculous man. He pressed a kiss to Jim’s nose.

“Come sit on the bed,” Bones said, tugging him gently to sit on the edge of the bed. Jim swayed in his seat, having trouble focusing on anything. Kneeling in front of him, Bones peered up into those shockingly blue eyes. “What’d you drink?”

Jim went cross-eyed trying to look at him. “Green! Something – kind of like Earth absinth. Tasted like that, almost. Green.”

Of course Jim had had absinth before. Bones rolled his eyes. “Don’t move.” Bones picked himself up off the floor with an old man groan, and found his spare tricorder. He came back to Jim and passed it over him. Jim blinked at the shiny lights. Bones was relieved when he checked the readout; all stats normal. He set the tricorder aside and looked at Jim, who was leaning heavily to one side.

“Eeeee…?” Jim muttered, refocusing in on Bones. He pulled off Jim’s boots with some difficulty.

“Gotta sleep it off, Jimmy,” he said, straightening to kick off his own boots. “Ain’t nothing else for it. You’ll probably have a hell of a hangover, though.”

Bones helped Jim get his shirt off properly this time, and tossed it down the chute. As Bones was getting out of his own uniform, Jim made a sudden, panicked noise.

“Bones? Bones! Bones – where are my legs!” Jim said, eyes going wide. Bones whipped around to see Jim, flopped back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. He came back to Jim and pinched his thigh.

“D’you feel that?”

Jim yipped. “Ow – hey!” he blinked. “Oh. Oh! Bones – you found them! You found my legs!” Jim beamed at Bones brightly. Bones laughed outright.

“Oh, Jimmy. Get yer pants off so we can go to sleep.”

Jim squirmed around on the bed, trying to kick off his pants. Bones helped him pull off his pants and then hoisted him up on the bed better.

“Eeee,” Jim muttered again, his head spinning as Bones moved him. Bones arranged the pillows under him and pulled the blankets back so he could lie next to his captain. Jim immediately swarmed over to nuzzle into Bones’s side. He wrapped his legs around Bones and buried his nose in his neck, inhaling his Bones smell. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

“Well hello to you too, darlin’,” Bones said, wrapping an arm around him. Jim snuffled just under his ear.

“I love you Bones. My Bones. My Boooones. I love you,” he murmured. He pressed a wet kiss to Bones’s neck.

“I love you too, Jim,” Bones said, a smile creeping onto his lips despite himself. Jim made a happy little noise and snuggled in closer. Bones pulled the blankets up around them, listening carefully to Jim’s breathing. “Jim?”

“Mmmm?”

“Do you know where your legs are?”

Jim went very still – Bones could feel his eyelashes blinking against his neck. Suddenly, Jim sat bolt upright.

“My legs! Bones – Bones, where are my legs?” Jim asked, eyes round. Bones laughed and pulled him back down, giving him a kiss.

“Right were you left them, darlin’,” he said. Jim breathed out, peppering little kisses haphazardly over Bones’ lips, cheek and jaw. He laid back down.

“Dunno what I’d do without you,” Jim mumbled, nuzzling back into Bones’s neck. It was like he was trying to crawl under Bones’s skin, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. “I’d lose my legs without you.”

Bones chuckled. “Where’d they go? Those legs of yours?”

Jim sat up again. “Bones!”

Bones laughed out loud and pulled him down, snuggling him close.

“Y’can’t – you can’t lemme lose ‘em again,” Jim insisted, trying to look up at Bones’s face.

“Shh, it’s okay. I won’t let you,” Bones said, patting the leg that was slung over his own. “I’ll feel ‘em if they try to get away again.

“Love you. Love you Bones,” Jim said, making happy little noises against Bones’s skin. “My Bones. Catches m’legs for me.”

Bones chuckled softly. “That I do, Jimmy. Go to sleep.”

“M’Bones,” Jim said again. His forehead was pressed against Bones’s neck. Bones could feel the little vibrations as Jim mumbled to himself, sleepy and drunk. He petted Jim’s leg absently, listening. His breath was warm against his skin, and, as he listened, Jim’s breathing lengthened and evened out, even though he was still making little mumbling sounds from time to time. He loved this silly man, beyond all reason. Soon, Bones felt himself relaxing against Jim, and it wasn’t long before he was falling asleep too.


End file.
